Ghetto Valley Hospital!- TRUE STORY

So I had to go into surgery today to have a cyst removed from my armpit. I know I know weird but it was pretty painful, so I did it... So I arrive today at the Ghetto (Pioneer Valley Hospital) with my mother... walk in and sign in, get my pretty hospital bracelet and was told to go to the information desk and they will escort me to the Outpatient Surgery y waiting area. So my mother and I walk to information to be met by about 4 elderly ladies would had to be at least 70. They were volunteers which I guess is nice... One walks us back about 50 feet to the room where I will need to wait to go into surgery. While sitting at the nurse's desk and another elderly volunteer lady trying to locate my nurse one of the nurse's ask my name and then said nope your not mine unless you want a colonoscopy. I passed! Waited about 5 minutes for one of the nurses to come in and tell me which section of the wall with a curtain would be mine... it was right in front of the nurses station. So I go in and change, I asked if I could leave my bottoms on as they are operating on my arm pit why would it matter if my pants are left on plus I didn't want to come away will a testie ( see I was talking to a friend of mine the other day about PVH, and he told me that he knew of a guy who went into surgery there for a hernia and came away with one less ball, so i know they have an extra ball laying around there somewhere right?) So I change and I was going to put on my cute little footie socks they give you but when I opened them they seemed to have some funky stain on them so I passed and let my feet go bare. Then my true nurse came in and started to prep me for surgery, she was a nicer older but still younger than the senior citizen's club who was ALL volunteering that day. She starts to tie off my arm to get the IV in and then realizes she better check my lab work from the day before (see post below). so she unties the elastic around my arm and walks away. Comes back and lets me know that I am NOT prego Thank goodness now if they could have just believed me yesterday lol. I get the IV put into my arm and since nurse Nancy has her hands full trying to hold tubes and what not she needs to use her mouth to unscrew the lid on the syringe with saline to push though my iv. Um I am pretty sure that should be against OSHA rules... so she walks away and we joke about it then she some back and needs to hook up the drip bag and does the same thing so not once but twice did I see her use her mouth to unscrew lids to a syringes... After the nurse left and I was sitting there with my mom and dad... some guy comes walking through and I kid you not I hear... "I called security and they are looking to see if they have a slim jim." My dad got this one pretty good with the jokes I wish I could remember them but anyone who knows my dad can only imagine... then while I was waiting to be taken back and the nurse announced that I wasn't pregnant again my dad said "shake the tube and see what it says this time" so we started making jokes about the magic eight balls you used to see... well I am not joking about 20 minutes later I hear "has anyone seen the eight ball?" Wow I am glad we use such high tech things to make our choices on what to do during surgery these days... So on the way to wheeling me into the surgical room I made jokes about please don't consult a quiji board if there are any complications. Other than the crazy antics of PVH the surgery went very well. Thanks to all those who send cards and flowers (pretty much my mom and dad). I am doing well and i am not in much pain so that is really good.